Category Archives: Family/friends

Tales of a Jam-Packed, Fun Weekend That’s Left Me Tired and Burned

This weekend was super busy.  This weekend was jam-packed.  This weekend was full of both family and friends, a movie date, and a bikram yoga date with fellow yogis!

On Friday night Alana and I saw Interstellar in IMAX at 10:45 p.m.  The movie was great and we absolutely loved it, but we didn’t get home and into bed until 3:00 A.M.  I woke up at 7:30 A.M. Saturday morning to meet a few yoga friends for a bikram yoga date.  The class was great, and I enjoyed it, but it was such a small amount of sleep compared to what I’m use to.

After yoga on Saturday Alana and I went shopping for new Winter coat, gloves, and accessories. We both bought beautiful coats for well under $100, which we both felt pleased with.  And then we met Alana’s old high school friend Kris and his new husband Nick for dinner.

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We met at an expensive restaurant that has been recommended to Alana and I for years.  The food was absolutely amazing, but the company was even better.  So many of our friends are already married, and many more of our friends are in the process of becoming married.  But, Nick and Kris are our only gay friends who have married and who’d like to start a family some day.

It was so nice talking with another gay couple.  I think that we, too, are their only gay friends who are taking this plunge.  All four of us are under the age of thirty, but older than twenty-five, so many people in our lives are getting married…but most of these marriages are heterosexual.  Like Alana and I are doing, they also paid for their own wedding! And, just like Alana and I, they have frustrations and many emotions tied in with the process of same-sex parent family planning.

It was so nice and comforting for the four of us to talk about all of this.   They asked us so many questions, and we asked them lots of questions as well.  We all four vented about the huge financial cost it takes for same-sex parents to start their own families.  Kris completely identified with my feelings of “Do I spend thousands traveling, or do I take the said thousands and use it to start a family?”  As I’ve blogged before, I sometimes feel so alone and different with these kinds of thoughts and frustrations, so it was so nice to talk and connect with another gay family about all of this.

After Alana and I got off of work on Sunday we went to my brother’s to celebrate my oldest niece’s and my youngest niece’s yearly joint birthday party.  It was fun, and warm, and welcoming, and there was lots of good food.  I love seeing my family and spending time with them, and 98% of the time I come home from a family visit feeling positive, fulfilled, and happy.

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We came home to our Sunday night shows, Once Upon a Time, and The Walking Dead.  It was a weekend full of family, yoga, work, and friends, but today I just feel drained.  I feel like I didn’t sleep enough, I feel like I didn’t veg out enough.  I didn’t watch a single t.v. show on Netflix, and that amusingly makes me feel kind of sad!

I’m feeling a bit burned out, and so I decided to adjust my schedule this week.  I’m going to sleep in tomorrow instead of going to hot yoga, but I’m going to re-arrange my yoga schedule so that I’m still getting that release.  I’ve scheduled a massage, as well as a few more days to sleep in, since we’ve got the midnight premier of the new Hunger Games movie coming up later this week!

Hoping that I can catch up on some sleep so that I can enjoy the rest of this week.  Last week was pretty stressful and horrible for many reasons, so I’m sending reiki that this week will pass more pleasantly.

I hope you all had a great weekend, and that you’re not already feeling burned out like me!  Until next time, my lovelies.

I Hope The Leaves Start Changing Soon

This past weekend Alana and I went to Dave & Buster’s to celebrate the birthday of a mutual friend.  We all got a table and ordered food, but mostly we drank.  They had these jello shots that were in huge syringes that were only $5.00 and that tasted amazingly.

jello shots

After that, some of us tipsy, some of us drunk, we went to the all the gaming rooms and played game after game. I can’t remember if Alana and I have ever been to an arcade together before, but it was really enjoyable.  We played round after round of skee ball, side by side.  We shot baskets into hoops, shot zombie after zombie, and we kept filling up our cup of tickets like two giggling kids at Chuck E. Cheese.

At the end we took our cup of tickets and bought nothing but candy with it, munching on it all on the drive home.

I was exhausted most of the day on Sunday, but it was worth the jello shots and the laughter.

Today my friend James came over and we played video games.  And then we watched World War Z, followed by a bunch of documentaries from the series Ted Talks.  We pigged out on McDonald’s and rubbed each others shoulders.  He was over for about seven hours total.

It’s that weird Autumn time, when the feeling of Summer hasn’t quite left, but the coolness of the Fall is just starting to set in.  Everyone is falling back in to their school, career, and work routines.

My friends are stressed with new moves, new parenting obstacles, or financial struggles.  Alana and I are starting to really grind down and cut down on our expenses to prepare for a year of saving up for our wedding.

It’s just that kind of weird in between period.  People are sick, people aren’t feeling well.  I’m noticing a lot of lower spirits and tired eyes.  This is an exciting time of the year, but it’s also a stressful one.  As the weather falls colds here, we tend to cover up more, stay inside more.  Perhaps, withdraw into ourselves more.

I’ve been feeling much better since I wrote my last entry “Little Miss Sweet Tooth”.  Aside from the McDonald’s today, I’ve stayed away from soda, and sugar, and sweets.  I’ve started drinking more clear liquids again and I’ve started heading to yoga classes on a bi-weekly basis.  I feel good, but I also feel in transition.  That weird in-betweenness, like we’re all in between time.

Waiting for Fall to really start.  Waiting for the holiday season to really start.

Waiting for our three year anniversary, the engagement pictures, for the leaves to start changing…

…waiting for my next burst of real energy and for the Autumn doldrums to pass.  I hope the leaves start changing soon.

Namaste.

Wanderlust

  Alana and I spent this entire weekend with both sides of our family, and it was fantastic.  We celebrated the first birthday of her second cousin, her niece’s third birthday, and my oldest brothers last year in his thirties!  We only got a precious few hours to ourself Saturday morning, which we spent watching Frozen for the very first time (we loved it!)  

  I normally feel very chaotic when a whole weekend goes by and I barely get anytime to just relax at home.  I feel gypped, and kind of like the weekend didn’t happen.  I was thinking that I would definitely feel that way about this weekend with all the running around we were doing to all of these birthday celebrations, but I didn’t at all.  I felt fantastic.  I had a great weekend, we both did.  Because we were with our families.  

  When Alana and I talk about our future it’s always with a plan to eventually move off the East Coast.  We talk about picking up and moving to California, Colorado, Hawaii, or the Portland/Washington area.  I’ve only lived in this one state my entire life,  over the span of two counties that lie side by side with one another.  This is all I’ve ever known.  Sure, I’ve traveled.  I’ve been to Mexico and The Dominican Republic, and Canada.  

  But this is the only home I’ve known.  I’ve only lived on the East Coast of the United States, and there’s a very big world out there.

  Alana has always wanted to live in California, or somewhere on the West Coast herself, and we talk about raising a family there in the future.  Or at least picking up and moving for a few years, just to try it out.  Just to experience what life could be like outside of this area.

  After spending this wonderful weekend with our family Alana confessed to me “I wouldn’t be surprised if we never moved out of the area.”  I asked her what she meant, although I didn’t have to.  I knew what she meant.  Who would want to leave this? The plethora of close family and close friends around that we both have independently of each other, and trifold as a couple? There’s so much love, warmth, and help surrounding us hear.  I feel like all of these ties will only deepen when we actually get married next Fall.

  Are we ever going to be able to leave? Is it smart to? Can I really leave most of my family and friends behind to go have an adventure elsewhere?

 A big part of me thinks that I can’t, but a bigger part of me thinks that I can.  I think I do want to leave someday, even if its only for a few years, more than I want to stay without ever leaving.  I’m too curious.  The world is too big, and I want to experience it.

  Here’s to hoping that we come to a decision together, when the time is right.  Here’s to hoping that our hearts end up desiring the same thing.

  Cause at times there are clouds in my head, and stars behind my eyes, and I can feel myself being the type of woman who totally goes off for some time and has an adventure.

Tales of Inversions, Lost Car Keys, and Long Distance Friendships

This week has felt like an absolute dream.  It seemed like a piece of cake, and it passed by so calmly.  It’s like I barely felt the work days, the hours upon hours of labor, and the wishing of it all to just be over.

Having Monday off all day with the love of my life helped, I’m sure.  Tuesday was fun and joyous.  Wednesday morning, on my day off, I decided to practice forearm stands and handstands.  I almost never practice any yoga at home.  97% of my practice happens in a yoga studio, and only about 3% at home.  I especially never work on my inversions or challenging poses that I’m trying to master.

So I was extremely surprised and bewildered to find that I was able to hold both a forearm stand and a handstand…for several moments at at time!  It was a first for both, and I felt elated and strong.  My body, going into them, felt like a different body from the one I had this past winter when I was practicing my headstands at home.  Both of these inversions were just so much more….available to me.  It wasn’t hard to find the strength.  Because of this it was easy to trust myself to hold my body upside down while playing around with finding that balance…that precious balance where your body is perfectly aligned, hips over shoulders, belly engaged, head below heart, mind free and wild.

This experience showed me that I need to practice at home this Fall.  My body has changed over the Summer with all the yoga classes I’ve attended weekly, and its time to get playful.  And to set new goals for myself.

Afterwards I trekked over to Ayanna’s and we exchanged massages.  I haven’t seen her since she went on maternity leave in March (and never came back to work!) Her baby is beautiful, just like her older son.  We hadn’t traded massages in probably a year, and it was nice to catch up and laugh while we rubbed out each others knots.

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Afterwards I traveled far North to have dinner with one of my very best friends, Jesse, who is in town from Georgia for a wedding.  She only comes to town 2-3 times a year, and so it’s only then that we get to see each other.  She’s going to be our second bridesmaid when we get married next Fall, and her daughter is going to be one of our flower girls. We had dinner with a few of her other friends, and we all ordered drinks and laughed and stuffed ourselves silly.   It was an amazing evening to an already amazing day.

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I lost my car keys for the second time in two weeks at work last night, and at first I was upset, and panicked, and frustrated.  But, Alana picked me up from work last night and dropped me back off again this morning (I keep a spare key at home).  My car didn’t get stolen, broken into, or ticketed.  Everything ended up okay, and now the weekend is here.

Alana and I have plans to start it out with a restorative yoga class tomorrow morning before celebrating the birthdays of three of our family members this weekend!  All these birthday festivities are going to require lots of money and lots of driving, but it’ll come with family, love, and laughter.  I’m feeling grateful for friends, especially long distance ones.  Or ones that I haven’t seen since there was snow on the ground.

I’m feeling grateful for the strength of my body, and for it’s healthiness and it’s progress.  As I am every week, I’m grateful that I found yoga last Fall.

I’m grateful for my fiancé, and for her willingness to pick me up from/drop me off at my job when my scatter-brained self lost my keys once again.

I’m grateful for both our families.  I’m grateful that it’s the weekend.

I’m grateful that I survived another week, and for my ability to find bliss in the small, everyday things.

Namaste.

Labor Day 2014: Today Is a Fairytale, Tomorrow Starts a Journey

    Today is Labor Day.  It’s Monday, September 1st.  Alana and I slept in until 11:00 AM, and that never happens anymore.  I’m almost never able to sleep in that late anymore, whether with her or without her.  Her working two jobs prevents us from sleeping in together, let alone that late.  My busy life filled with early hot yoga classes before work, early massages on my days off, or errands to run before work prevents me from sleeping that late on my own.  In the beginning of our relationship I slept until noon most days of the week.  On the weekends we constantly slept in until 11:00 AM or noon together.

  Those days are gone.  We are older now, with adult lives, and adult responsibilities.  Sleeping in is a gift, sleeping in together is paradise. And sleeping in together and having a whole day off together? Is a fairytale.  Today is a fairytale.

  Which seems so fitting, as we’ve spent all weekend and today falling into season 3 of Once Upon a Time now that it’s available on Netflix…

  Season 3 of this show is very different from seasons 1 and 2, and I’m very much enjoying it.  And one thing I really find myself enjoying, and identifying with, is the need and longing for family that all these main characters seem to possess.

  Alana and I have been together three years this Fall.  Next fall we’ll be getting married on our four year anniversary, and the fact that this Fall is swiftly approaching has my heart pounding in my chest.  This is my last year as a single, unmarried woman. My life is going to be different after this year.  Drastically different.  I’ve never been married before, and neither has she.  This is a brand new journey for us.  I’m anxious, thrilled, excited, nervous, and about a million other emotions I feel I could list for days.

  This need and longing for family that I’ve been feeling lately isn’t being felt alone.  Alana feels it too.  I’ve had a cat for 7 years now, and we both love and parent her together.  But, we feel the need for more.  Our love has created a bigger space than a cat can fill, and we talk about rescuing a puppy after we marry next Fall.  We talk, sometimes, about putting a baby in my belly sooner than we use to speak of.  We plan on getting a townhouse a couple of months before the wedding to make space for these things that we desire and long to have together.

  This is it.  Fall is coming.  This is the last year of my life before things get really serious.  Before there’s a townhouse.  Before there’s a marriage license, and eventually, a marriage.  Before there’s a wife, before there’s a puppy.  Before we’re actually really going through the process of looking at getting me with child.

  I’m anxious.  I’m young.  I’m old.  I’m ready.

  This Labor Day is the start of me being thrown into an immense journey, and I’m determined to enjoy it as often as I can.

  Namaste.  

  [pictures from this past week]

A Rainy Saturday And a Sunny Sunday.

  A rainy Saturday is a good day to make a two hour commute in the pouring rain just to take a restorative yoga class by a certain teacher.  Because that teacher taught you how to teach yoga yourself, and it’s her class you need on a rainy Saturday.  Not a power yoga class, or a hot yoga class, or a flow one.  Hers.

  A rainy Saturday is a good day to go out to lunch with your fiancé, best friend, best friend’s Mom, and Goddaughter.  Because who else would you casually go out to lunch around town with? If not the woman who birthed you, the woman you love, the friend who took ballet with you for a decade, & her Mom and daughter? 

  A rainy Saturday is a great day to curl up with your wife-to-be, order in Thai food, and watch The Vampire Diaries.  Because you both work so much during the week, and it’s really nice to just sit.  And cuddle.  And enjoy moments, and time together.  

A sunny Sunday is a good day to work a few hours and rub a few knots out of a few shoulders.  Because I’d rather massage a few people Sunday than work five full weekday work days.  Because I’m grateful to make a living doing something that I feel passionate about.

  A sunny Sunday is a good day to go see “The Giver” with your fiancé, because you both loved the book and you enjoy seeing movies together.  Because the work week is starting soon, and you’ll be torn apart by jobs, and demands, and responsibilities, and life.

A sunny Sunday is a good day to reflect on all that I have.  A goddaughter, a fiancé, a best friend, a mother, a lovely town, and the luxuries of going out to lunch, and to a movie.  Because they are luxuries.  Some people don’t have running water, or even a roof over their head.  Some have far less, and some even less than that.  

Saturdays and Sundays are such a good time to spend it with those that you love, feeling alive, feeling thankful, and feeling grateful.  Before it’s Monday, before it’s the work week again.  

Weekends should last forever.  

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A Birthday Beach Bash For My Sweetheart & Further Fertility Testing For Me

On Friday, which was Alana’s birthday, we jumped into two cars full of our friends and we headed to the beach.  Three of the girls were her friends, and two were mine.  We listened to Pandora the whole way up there, singing loudly and being silly.  We were stoked to not be working and to have a long, full day ahead of us at the beach.

  The weather was perfect! We snuck some sangria onto the beach with us.  Rita and Natalie, two friends that I work with and I took a long, long walk on the beach.  Natalie and I did some yoga.  The seven of us listened to music, lay out in the sun, and hopped into the ocean from time to time.

  Two years ago on Alana’s birthday her and I went to the beach alone.  It was her first birthday that we were together as a couple.  We had an amazing time together.  I still remember that day as if it were yesterday and not over two years ago.

  To have returned this past Friday with five of our friends was a really cool feeling.  I joked that we’ve picked up “groupies” over the years.  Things are really just coming together.  And speaking of coming together…

  We heard back from my doctor about the day three fertility tests.  Apparently all my levels are in normal range! That was a load of relief for me to hear.  But now…they want to take a look at my tubes by putting a dye into my body.  Our insurance company would like to have that procedure done before giving us the referral to the fertility clinic in our area.

  I won’t lie, this HSG dye test has me a bit nervous.  There’s a chance it could be painful, and I feel even more nervous for these results than I did for the day three fertility results.

  I’m going to just breathe, and push through it all.  Until we actually sit down with a fertility clinic we won’t have an accurate picture of what it’s going to take to start a family together.  A whiny voice in my head sometimes says to me “all your straight friends don’t have to go through all of this to have a baby”, but I immediately quiet that voice whenever I hear it.  I’m not straight, and I do have to go through this.  Feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to solve any of this anxiety I have.

  Alana and I have finalized our wedding and reception details with our venue and that paperwork is getting finalized this week.  I also have reason to think that my yoga teacher certificate will arrive in the mail this week, and that’s extremely exciting! Even if there’s so much to be nervous about, there’s still a lot to be excited about.

  I’m just going to try to take it all one day at a time…

 Namaste.  I hope the weekend was as good to all of you as it was to us.