Category Archives: My lesbian love life

Fall

With Cooler Weather Comes a Stricter Wedding Budget

I walked out into our living room this morning and was startled to find how brisk the room felt. I knew instantly that the temperature had dropped outside overnight, and I was right!  It was in the low 50s.  The high temperatures this entire week will only reach the mid-seventies.  It’s coming.  Fall is coming.

And with this Fall comes our ever impending wedding which will be happening early next Fall.  Time is dwindling.  That year mark until our wedding will be upon us very soon.

Alana and I sat down this past week and really planned out our wedding budget.  We sat down together and really looked at how much it was all going to take.  I honestly think I’ve been putting off doing this for weeks.  I’ve been nervous that crunching the numbers would only provide us with a whirlwind of stress and anxiety that would only deepen as the weather grew colder. Instead, I’ve felt very calm since planning our budget.  I’ve felt good, even.  Confident.

A year ago I was so heartbroken and bitter about having to pay for my own wedding.  I felt gypped that I couldn’t be handed a beautiful, pristine wedding like so many of my friends got without paying for it themselves. (spoiled brat much!?).

So to feel powerful, and responsible, and good about being able to do this for myself, and for my fiancé, feels amazing.  Not only do I no longer feel bitter about paying for it, I feel grateful.  Grateful that I’m able to.  Grateful that I have a career that I love that allows me to pay for my own wedding.

Alana and I were going to go to hot yoga Saturday morning, but I slept in until 11:00 AM, and we decided to skip it.  We also meandered out for some amazing Indian food for lunch.  We also bought a bottle of white wine and opened it, even though we already finished a bottle of red wine between the two of us earlier this week.  We also started season 1 of Battlestar Galactica on Netflix and fell into that for several, several hours.

Indian Food

I honestly think that lazy weekends and lazy vacations are my favorite thing in life.

I’m happy that Alana and I are able to pay for our own wedding.  I’m grateful we’re getting the wedding that we both want. I’m thankful that knowing just how much were investing into it hasn’t caused a whirlwind of anxiety that’s going to last over the next year.  I’m happy that I’ll be marrying a woman who loves Indian food as much as I do.

I’m happy the weather is getting colder.  For with it’s coldness comes many new journeys to embark on.

Namaste.

Kiddos

Wanderlust

  Alana and I spent this entire weekend with both sides of our family, and it was fantastic.  We celebrated the first birthday of her second cousin, her niece’s third birthday, and my oldest brothers last year in his thirties!  We only got a precious few hours to ourself Saturday morning, which we spent watching Frozen for the very first time (we loved it!)  

  I normally feel very chaotic when a whole weekend goes by and I barely get anytime to just relax at home.  I feel gypped, and kind of like the weekend didn’t happen.  I was thinking that I would definitely feel that way about this weekend with all the running around we were doing to all of these birthday celebrations, but I didn’t at all.  I felt fantastic.  I had a great weekend, we both did.  Because we were with our families.  

  When Alana and I talk about our future it’s always with a plan to eventually move off the East Coast.  We talk about picking up and moving to California, Colorado, Hawaii, or the Portland/Washington area.  I’ve only lived in this one state my entire life,  over the span of two counties that lie side by side with one another.  This is all I’ve ever known.  Sure, I’ve traveled.  I’ve been to Mexico and The Dominican Republic, and Canada.  

  But this is the only home I’ve known.  I’ve only lived on the East Coast of the United States, and there’s a very big world out there.

  Alana has always wanted to live in California, or somewhere on the West Coast herself, and we talk about raising a family there in the future.  Or at least picking up and moving for a few years, just to try it out.  Just to experience what life could be like outside of this area.

  After spending this wonderful weekend with our family Alana confessed to me “I wouldn’t be surprised if we never moved out of the area.”  I asked her what she meant, although I didn’t have to.  I knew what she meant.  Who would want to leave this? The plethora of close family and close friends around that we both have independently of each other, and trifold as a couple? There’s so much love, warmth, and help surrounding us hear.  I feel like all of these ties will only deepen when we actually get married next Fall.

  Are we ever going to be able to leave? Is it smart to? Can I really leave most of my family and friends behind to go have an adventure elsewhere?

 A big part of me thinks that I can’t, but a bigger part of me thinks that I can.  I think I do want to leave someday, even if its only for a few years, more than I want to stay without ever leaving.  I’m too curious.  The world is too big, and I want to experience it.

  Here’s to hoping that we come to a decision together, when the time is right.  Here’s to hoping that our hearts end up desiring the same thing.

  Cause at times there are clouds in my head, and stars behind my eyes, and I can feel myself being the type of woman who totally goes off for some time and has an adventure.

hot yoga babes

Labor Day 2014: Today Is a Fairytale, Tomorrow Starts a Journey

    Today is Labor Day.  It’s Monday, September 1st.  Alana and I slept in until 11:00 AM, and that never happens anymore.  I’m almost never able to sleep in that late anymore, whether with her or without her.  Her working two jobs prevents us from sleeping in together, let alone that late.  My busy life filled with early hot yoga classes before work, early massages on my days off, or errands to run before work prevents me from sleeping that late on my own.  In the beginning of our relationship I slept until noon most days of the week.  On the weekends we constantly slept in until 11:00 AM or noon together.

  Those days are gone.  We are older now, with adult lives, and adult responsibilities.  Sleeping in is a gift, sleeping in together is paradise. And sleeping in together and having a whole day off together? Is a fairytale.  Today is a fairytale.

  Which seems so fitting, as we’ve spent all weekend and today falling into season 3 of Once Upon a Time now that it’s available on Netflix…

  Season 3 of this show is very different from seasons 1 and 2, and I’m very much enjoying it.  And one thing I really find myself enjoying, and identifying with, is the need and longing for family that all these main characters seem to possess.

  Alana and I have been together three years this Fall.  Next fall we’ll be getting married on our four year anniversary, and the fact that this Fall is swiftly approaching has my heart pounding in my chest.  This is my last year as a single, unmarried woman. My life is going to be different after this year.  Drastically different.  I’ve never been married before, and neither has she.  This is a brand new journey for us.  I’m anxious, thrilled, excited, nervous, and about a million other emotions I feel I could list for days.

  This need and longing for family that I’ve been feeling lately isn’t being felt alone.  Alana feels it too.  I’ve had a cat for 7 years now, and we both love and parent her together.  But, we feel the need for more.  Our love has created a bigger space than a cat can fill, and we talk about rescuing a puppy after we marry next Fall.  We talk, sometimes, about putting a baby in my belly sooner than we use to speak of.  We plan on getting a townhouse a couple of months before the wedding to make space for these things that we desire and long to have together.

  This is it.  Fall is coming.  This is the last year of my life before things get really serious.  Before there’s a townhouse.  Before there’s a marriage license, and eventually, a marriage.  Before there’s a wife, before there’s a puppy.  Before we’re actually really going through the process of looking at getting me with child.

  I’m anxious.  I’m young.  I’m old.  I’m ready.

  This Labor Day is the start of me being thrown into an immense journey, and I’m determined to enjoy it as often as I can.

  Namaste.  

  [pictures from this past week]

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A Rainy Saturday And a Sunny Sunday.

  A rainy Saturday is a good day to make a two hour commute in the pouring rain just to take a restorative yoga class by a certain teacher.  Because that teacher taught you how to teach yoga yourself, and it’s her class you need on a rainy Saturday.  Not a power yoga class, or a hot yoga class, or a flow one.  Hers.

  A rainy Saturday is a good day to go out to lunch with your fiancé, best friend, best friend’s Mom, and Goddaughter.  Because who else would you casually go out to lunch around town with? If not the woman who birthed you, the woman you love, the friend who took ballet with you for a decade, & her Mom and daughter? 

  A rainy Saturday is a great day to curl up with your wife-to-be, order in Thai food, and watch The Vampire Diaries.  Because you both work so much during the week, and it’s really nice to just sit.  And cuddle.  And enjoy moments, and time together.  

A sunny Sunday is a good day to work a few hours and rub a few knots out of a few shoulders.  Because I’d rather massage a few people Sunday than work five full weekday work days.  Because I’m grateful to make a living doing something that I feel passionate about.

  A sunny Sunday is a good day to go see “The Giver” with your fiancé, because you both loved the book and you enjoy seeing movies together.  Because the work week is starting soon, and you’ll be torn apart by jobs, and demands, and responsibilities, and life.

A sunny Sunday is a good day to reflect on all that I have.  A goddaughter, a fiancé, a best friend, a mother, a lovely town, and the luxuries of going out to lunch, and to a movie.  Because they are luxuries.  Some people don’t have running water, or even a roof over their head.  Some have far less, and some even less than that.  

Saturdays and Sundays are such a good time to spend it with those that you love, feeling alive, feeling thankful, and feeling grateful.  Before it’s Monday, before it’s the work week again.  

Weekends should last forever.  

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Beach

A Birthday Beach Bash For My Sweetheart & Further Fertility Testing For Me

On Friday, which was Alana’s birthday, we jumped into two cars full of our friends and we headed to the beach.  Three of the girls were her friends, and two were mine.  We listened to Pandora the whole way up there, singing loudly and being silly.  We were stoked to not be working and to have a long, full day ahead of us at the beach.

  The weather was perfect! We snuck some sangria onto the beach with us.  Rita and Natalie, two friends that I work with and I took a long, long walk on the beach.  Natalie and I did some yoga.  The seven of us listened to music, lay out in the sun, and hopped into the ocean from time to time.

  Two years ago on Alana’s birthday her and I went to the beach alone.  It was her first birthday that we were together as a couple.  We had an amazing time together.  I still remember that day as if it were yesterday and not over two years ago.

  To have returned this past Friday with five of our friends was a really cool feeling.  I joked that we’ve picked up “groupies” over the years.  Things are really just coming together.  And speaking of coming together…

  We heard back from my doctor about the day three fertility tests.  Apparently all my levels are in normal range! That was a load of relief for me to hear.  But now…they want to take a look at my tubes by putting a dye into my body.  Our insurance company would like to have that procedure done before giving us the referral to the fertility clinic in our area.

  I won’t lie, this HSG dye test has me a bit nervous.  There’s a chance it could be painful, and I feel even more nervous for these results than I did for the day three fertility results.

  I’m going to just breathe, and push through it all.  Until we actually sit down with a fertility clinic we won’t have an accurate picture of what it’s going to take to start a family together.  A whiny voice in my head sometimes says to me “all your straight friends don’t have to go through all of this to have a baby”, but I immediately quiet that voice whenever I hear it.  I’m not straight, and I do have to go through this.  Feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to solve any of this anxiety I have.

  Alana and I have finalized our wedding and reception details with our venue and that paperwork is getting finalized this week.  I also have reason to think that my yoga teacher certificate will arrive in the mail this week, and that’s extremely exciting! Even if there’s so much to be nervous about, there’s still a lot to be excited about.

  I’m just going to try to take it all one day at a time…

 Namaste.  I hope the weekend was as good to all of you as it was to us.

Tales of Fertility Testing, Engagement Photos, & Wide-Legged Forward Folds

  It happened.  The day has finally come. This morning I went to the laboratory before work and I had day three fertility testing done.

The fact that Alana and I are at this point seems somewhat surreal and crazy to me. We’ve been talking about starting a family for what seems like a very long time now. We’ve discussed the steps we would have to take in order to make that happen for well over a year. So the fact that step #1 was taken today has me in a mild state of disbelief! There’s definite excitement bubbling in the bottom of my belly, but it also still doesn’t seem quite real.

I won’t lie. I definitely have anxiety about the test results. Ever since I was young girl I’ve been harbouring a fear that I’m completely barren and that I won’t be able to conceive children. Even though I’m nervous for the results I’m happy that we are finally going to have them. I want to stop fearing that I won’t be able to give my future wife the kids we talk about having some day. I want that awful feeling of fear gone from my belly as well as my mind.

I’m just hoping that when we do hear back the results will be positive.

Alana and I have been talking with an engagement photographer this week. I’m super excited for us to have engagement photos taken sometime this Fall!

The lady doing the shoot for us is extremely professional. We haven’t scheduled a date to shoot the photos yet because she wants to see when the leaves are changing color this year. She wants the leaves to be perfect. She’s asked us to think about whether we’d like to incorporate any themes or props into our shoot, especially anything that’s important to us as a couple.

We decided we wanted one shot of our engagement rings, one of us drinking coffee out of mugs, and one of us with all seven Harry Potter books in it! That last one is totally geeky, but its undeniably us. After being engaged for fifteen months already I’m excited that engagement photos are finally happening for us!! =)

I’ve been wanting to change the banner picture on this blog lately so I asked Alana to take a picture of me in upavistha konasana (wide-legged forward fold). When she handed my phone back to me with the picture on it my jaw nearly hit the floor.

Wide Legged Forward Fold2

I took ballet for thirteen years and I’ve never been this close to being in a split before. I’ve never been anywhere near this close! The three yoga studios that I tend to practice yoga in either have no mirrors or just a few mirrors. In short…I don’t practice yoga in front of any mirrors! I don’t know what my poses look like, I only know what they feel like. I know I’ve gotten more flexible in the eleven months that I’ve been practicing yoga, but I didn’t know my wide-legged forward folds look like this!

Just yet another thing that goes to show how amazing yoga is and how much it changes your body, not just your mind, your soul, and your entire being.

I haven’t taken a yoga class in a week, which is unusual for me. I hardly ever go this long between practices anymore.

I’m going to go to hot yoga these next two mornings before work, and I know it’ll be great. 99% of the yoga classes I go to are great.

I’m going to throw myself into my practice these next few days and try to let go of fretting about the fertility test results.

There’s nothing I can do, and it’s all out of my hands. But I can push my hands into my yoga mat and breathe through it all.

Namaste.  I hope you’re all having a lovely week.

Us

I JUST Booked Our Wedding Venue

It’s finally happened.  I’ve just booked our wedding venue.  My brain feels like it’s singing and my body feels like it’s humming.

We’ve been engaged for fifteen months! Alana got let go from a previous job the month after we got engaged, and we spent the following eleven months stressed and holding onto each other dearly.  Our engagement and our wedding got put on the back burner as she went on the journey of job searching, and I went on the journey of taking on a sole-provider role for the very first time in my life.

But things turned around for us this past Spring and now our wedding is no longer on the back burner! No, now I would say it’s very much right in front of us.

I’m so excited.  I’m so excited.  I’ve been dreaming of this day since I was a little girl.  I couldn’t think of a better person to meet at the altar.  There would be no better person.  If I don’t marry her, I won’t marry anyone.  She is the sun and the moon and I still find thankfulness almost every day that I found her.

This past weekend was fantastic.  Alana’s iPhone 4s has been badly cracked and beaten up for almost a year, and I bought her a 5s as an early birthday present .  She loves it, and I love making her happy.  =)

Iphones  We went out to Ruby Tuesday’s for a date before joining a bunch of friends for a sangria night.  On Sunday I went to an Indian food buffet with my friend Valerie, and then we saw the movie “Lucy” after that.

My heart feels like its bursting after booking our venue following such a good weekend! I have amazing friends and family…but now I’m about to start a family of my very own.

I couldn’t be more grateful.  I couldn’t be more thankful.

I hope this week is finding everyone as well and it’s finding me.  Namaste.