Category Archives: My lesbian love life

I’m Having Too Much Fun Putting Together Our Save-the-Date Fridge Magnets

Today, on my day off, I decided to take some time and browse a few save-the-date magnets on the internet since we plan to mail ours out before Christmas.

For some reason that I can’t quite understand now, setting this time aside today was causing me anxiety!

Until today I’ve been feeling anxious and stressed out all week.  I’ve just felt like there’s so much on my plate to get done this month, and not enough time to do it all and rest/relax enough.

It’s blowing my mind that this tiny step of wedding planning has been causing me anxiety all week.  It took almost no time to google search save-the-date fridge magnets, and even less time to find a website that is exactly what I was looking for.  This image here is the first rough draft, and the first magnet that I put together.  Not only did I do it all in under five minutes…I had so much fun with it!

save-the-date

I continued to have fun as I put together a few other magnets, browsing different templates, styles, and choices.  As giddiness and excitement replaced the anxiety in my belly, I had a huge epiphany: Why does wedding planning have to be stressful?

It doesn’t.  Point blank, it doesn’t.  I’ve had such a good time putting magnets together this morning, and I still have hours of “me” time to veg out and chill out.  On Saturday Alana and I are planning to put a few of these together ourselves, and possibly make a choice and order them! We also plan to browse the David’s Bridal website because our appointment with them to register our bridal party is next Saturday!

These plans, along with my plan today of browsing magnets has been causing me anxiety. And for what? So that I can end up having fun and enjoying the experience of putting all of this together?!

I’m going to a take a major step back from letting myself become anxious about the wedding planning that needs to be done.  We still have so much time to plan everything and it should be fun!  I should have had the great time I had this morning doing all of this.  It’s our wedding! Weddings are exciting, and we are so excited to be getting married.

Major epiphany.  More fun, less stress.  I’m going to worry less and strive to enjoy all of this planning.

I hope you’re all having a great hump day.  I’m greatly enjoying my Wednesday off much more than my previous anxious mind was thinking I would!

Tales of a Jam-Packed, Fun Weekend That’s Left Me Tired and Burned

This weekend was super busy.  This weekend was jam-packed.  This weekend was full of both family and friends, a movie date, and a bikram yoga date with fellow yogis!

On Friday night Alana and I saw Interstellar in IMAX at 10:45 p.m.  The movie was great and we absolutely loved it, but we didn’t get home and into bed until 3:00 A.M.  I woke up at 7:30 A.M. Saturday morning to meet a few yoga friends for a bikram yoga date.  The class was great, and I enjoyed it, but it was such a small amount of sleep compared to what I’m use to.

After yoga on Saturday Alana and I went shopping for new Winter coat, gloves, and accessories. We both bought beautiful coats for well under $100, which we both felt pleased with.  And then we met Alana’s old high school friend Kris and his new husband Nick for dinner.

Coat

We met at an expensive restaurant that has been recommended to Alana and I for years.  The food was absolutely amazing, but the company was even better.  So many of our friends are already married, and many more of our friends are in the process of becoming married.  But, Nick and Kris are our only gay friends who have married and who’d like to start a family some day.

It was so nice talking with another gay couple.  I think that we, too, are their only gay friends who are taking this plunge.  All four of us are under the age of thirty, but older than twenty-five, so many people in our lives are getting married…but most of these marriages are heterosexual.  Like Alana and I are doing, they also paid for their own wedding! And, just like Alana and I, they have frustrations and many emotions tied in with the process of same-sex parent family planning.

It was so nice and comforting for the four of us to talk about all of this.   They asked us so many questions, and we asked them lots of questions as well.  We all four vented about the huge financial cost it takes for same-sex parents to start their own families.  Kris completely identified with my feelings of “Do I spend thousands traveling, or do I take the said thousands and use it to start a family?”  As I’ve blogged before, I sometimes feel so alone and different with these kinds of thoughts and frustrations, so it was so nice to talk and connect with another gay family about all of this.

After Alana and I got off of work on Sunday we went to my brother’s to celebrate my oldest niece’s and my youngest niece’s yearly joint birthday party.  It was fun, and warm, and welcoming, and there was lots of good food.  I love seeing my family and spending time with them, and 98% of the time I come home from a family visit feeling positive, fulfilled, and happy.

nieces

We came home to our Sunday night shows, Once Upon a Time, and The Walking Dead.  It was a weekend full of family, yoga, work, and friends, but today I just feel drained.  I feel like I didn’t sleep enough, I feel like I didn’t veg out enough.  I didn’t watch a single t.v. show on Netflix, and that amusingly makes me feel kind of sad!

I’m feeling a bit burned out, and so I decided to adjust my schedule this week.  I’m going to sleep in tomorrow instead of going to hot yoga, but I’m going to re-arrange my yoga schedule so that I’m still getting that release.  I’ve scheduled a massage, as well as a few more days to sleep in, since we’ve got the midnight premier of the new Hunger Games movie coming up later this week!

Hoping that I can catch up on some sleep so that I can enjoy the rest of this week.  Last week was pretty stressful and horrible for many reasons, so I’m sending reiki that this week will pass more pleasantly.

I hope you all had a great weekend, and that you’re not already feeling burned out like me!  Until next time, my lovelies.

The Sneak Peak Photo From Our Engagement Photoshoot

Yesterday, Alana, our engagement photographer, our photographer’s husband, and I drove half an hour North to a beautiful park where the Fall leaves were perfect.  And there we spent three hours doing our engagement photoshoot!

The shoot went fantastically.  It was so much fun.  Our photographer posed us on and against many different architectural structures, landscapes, and terrains.  In a few shots, her husband held a pile of leaves in his hands, and let the leaves blow in the wind to cascade over us.  We took several different shots with the seven Harry Potter books around us, some with our heads bent, reading.  We took shots of us near a river with ducks, against an old red barn, on many different benches, in the sun, against trees.  The four of us just walked and walked, and wherever our photographer saw inspiration is where we headed.

Sneak PeakI’m so, so, so pleased with how this sneak peak turned out.  I can’t wait until our photographer finishes editing the rest of our shoot!

We’ve been engaged for a year and a half now, so to finally have this shoot done is so exciting!  It was the first step of our wedding planning, right after booking our venue.

Now comes the save-the-dates.  Now comes the final invite list being prepared.

This shoot has started a whirlwind of wedding planning that’s about to start now that it’s been finished.

Getting the rest of the edited photos will only be the start of it all!

My 27th Birthday (And How Family-Planning and My Future Wedding Bands Came Into It)

My 27th birthday was the perfect day, even though it was a gray, overcast Tuesday.

Alana and I both took the day off of work to celebrate my birthday (because we’re young.  Because we can.  Because, why not?) and that morning she drove us both to Spa World.  We’ve already been there twice, but I could never get tired of that place.  We’ve only ever been there on a Saturday, before now, and the huge lack of a crowd was completely perfect.  I soaked and sat in different kinds of hot tubs, and the wade pool, for hours.  I kept floating around to different jets with different levels of pressure and stationing my feet, hands, or shoulders in front of them to provide some release.  Alana treated me to a thirty minute shiatsu massage, and it was fantastic! The massage therapist walked on my back for about ten minutes of it and I was in complete heaven.

Alana and I wandered out to the Poultice Rooms and we tried a few that we’ve never tried before, such as the red clay ball room, which was utterly fantastic.  I took a headstand in the middle of the room.   We found a quiet, cozy corner, and we sat and talked.  We talked for a while about things we’ve never talked about.

We’ve talked about wanting a family in the future for a while now.  We’ve talked about having kids after getting married next Fall.  But the type of talk we have about it these days is different.  I don’t know if it’s because the wedding is less than a year away now, or if it’s just starting to be that time.  Probably a little bit of both.  But now we’re starting to talk past simply wanting a family.  We are discussing parenting methods that we’re interested in.  We’re voicing worries, and fears, that neither one of us have voiced before now.  We talked about what we both want out of life, and we talked about how we don’t want starting a family to limit that.  (As well as ways to stop any limiting from happening.)

We’re even discussing when we think we’d like to start trying.  And maybe we’ve discussed this before, but it’s just a bit different now.  A bit more serious.  It’s just blowing my mind that we’re talking about these things, even though I know it’s perfectly normal.  Expected, even.  We’ve just been together that long.  It’s just getting to that time.  We aren’t 23 and 25 anymore.

We had some time to kill between leaving Spa World and heading to dinner, so we stopped at Jared’s to browse wedding bands.  And even though I hadn’t yet fallen in love with any wedding band that I’ve shopped for anywhere, I finally found what I think I’m looking for.

The band I fell in love with is both rose gold and white gold, which was something I was having a huge dilemma about.  I’ve been trying to decide if I wanted to go with a rose or a white gold band, but this one is both! It’s gorgeous, and it’s different, and it’s definitely not something every woman has on her finger.  We are going to buy two to wrap my engagement ring in.  The really exciting part is that both rings are extremely under the budget that we had set aside for my bands!

For dinner Alana took me to The Melting Pot which is my very favorite restaurant.  The fondue is just amazing.  It’s very expensive, and you’ve gotta cook your meal yourself essentially, but it’s so worth it.

Opals

Alana gave me this beautiful necklace as a birthday present.  The stones are lab created opal and pink sapphire, and I just adore it.  Between this, Spa World, and The Melting Pot, my birthday was the best one I’ve celebrated with her yet! Finding my wedding bands and the unexpected baby talk was just the icing on top of the cake.

Another year to be alive.  Another year to have adventures.  Twenty-seven is the year that I’m going to become a wife!  It’s going to be full of (probably stressful) wedding planning and learning more about myself than I have yet.  I’m excited for it.  I’m ready for it!

Until next time, my loves.

Less Than One Year ‘Till Our Big, Fat, Lesbian Wedding

It feels like so many things have happened since my last post on September 25th, and all of those things are positive.  This Fall has honestly been just a series of good moments, followed by awesome moments, followed by even more amazing moments.  The good just keeps piling up, the laughter and excitement just keeps rolling in, and I’m honestly living in that glow that happens when everything in your life is well balanced and you just feel good.

Alana and I reached that three year milestone in our relationship last week, which means that our wedding is less than a year away!  After already being engaged for a year and a half, after almost a year of her not having a permanent job and us being unsure of any short or long term future for us, we are finally under that year mark.

Last weekend, to celebrate, we took a yoga class together, went shopping for our engagement shoot, and then went to dinner and a movie.  We saw The Maze Runner, and we both really liked it.  My birthday is on Tuesday, and this weekend my Mom is having the entire family over to celebrate, and she’s making homemade Indian food! On my actual birthday next Tuesday Alana and I both took the day off.  She’s going to take me to Spa World all day before taking me to dinner at my favorite restaurant (which is not cheap).

Our engagement shoot is going to be happening sometime within the next three weeks.  We’re not exactly sure when because our photographer is judging the changing color of the leaves week by week so that we shoot on a weekend when the leaves are perfect.  My yoga practice is on fire right now.  The 2-3 classes I’ve been making weekly have been so easy to get to.  I jump out of bed when my alarm goes off at 7:00 AM, ready to face traffic and get on my mat.  My body is still changing.  My shoulders sit on top of my hips more, my sacrum is more tucked, my pelvis less tilted.  My arms and back are getting stronger.  My headstands are unlike they ever have been, strong, effortless, and I hold them for longer than three minute periods.  (Longer than I’ve ever held them before).

Muscle

On the random times that I do try for a forearm stand or even a handstand, I’m there.  I always reach the pose, even if I only hold them for a moment or two.  I’m ready to get serious about my inversion practice this Fall and really try to master forearm stand and handstand before our wedding next Fall.  The strength required of my body for these poses is almost there, or possibly, there.  Every season I grow more acquainted with the feeling of finding my center of gravity while my body is upside down.  I reach it more quickly then ever now, my head reaching the floor only a few seconds before my toes leave it.

My schedule at work is busy, full, and full of personality.  The clinic constantly gets complaints about how full my schedule is and how hard it is to book an appointment with me.  I’ve been getting more sleep, drinking one soda or less a week, and Alana and I have been getting along shiningly.

Like I said, things are great.  I’m looking forward to all my birthday celebrations and our upcoming engagement shoot.

I hope this Fall is treating you all well as well as it’s treating me.  Peace, love, and light.  =)

Fall Hat

A Tale of Two Very Different Three Year Anniversaries

As I woke up and started my day today I felt different.  Very different, even though nothing had changed.  I felt a sense of calmness and peace, an almost serene type of peace, though I had nothing to attribute this new sense of peacefulness with.

I took it in and enjoyed it because it felt so great, but all morning I racked my brain trying to figure out where it came from.  (I’m one of those people who look for meaning and symbolism everywhere, and who thinks that everything is connected.)

About an hour after I got to work it finally hit me.  A week from today will be the three year anniversary of Alana and I officially being a couple.  But, that’s not the significance here.  The significance is that it was exactly at this point in my last serious relationship with a woman, exactly a week before our three year anniversary, when I found the courage to end it and leave her.  It was at this exact point in that past relationship when I decided to leave my abuser.

Alana wasn’t the first woman I’ve had a very serious relationship with.  There was another, one in my past.  I met her when I was nineteen years old, and we fell hard fast.  We moved in together on our one year anniversary.  I ended up living with her for two years.

Soon after moving in things went quickly downhill.  She became first verbally, and then physically abusive.  I didn’t see it at the time (or maybe I didn’t want to) but there was so much about that relationship that was unhealthy.  She isolated me from my family and friends.  She controlled what I wore.  She wouldn’t let me go to massage school, which was the key thing I wanted to do in my early twenties.

The morning that I left her was any other typical morning.  I hadn’t woken up knowing that I was going to end it that day.  It just kind of happened, and I’m so happy that it did.  It had taken me some time, but I had finally found the courage to leave.

I’m happy that I left.  I’m happy that I’m happy now.  I’m even happier that in a week I’ll be hitting that three year anniversary mark with someone who loves me, and respects both my body and I in a healthy manner.  That past relationship taught me so much about myself, life, relationships, and human behavior.  Alana and I work hard to try and keep our relationship healthy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Because of what I’ve been through I have a much better idea of healthy and unhealthy relationship habits.  Because of what I’ve been through I’m able to be a better woman for Alana.

I still feel that same sense of serenity and tranquility that I’ve felt all day.  If anything I feel it even more deeply after writing this blog entry.  I have a feeling that it’s a feeling that’s here to stay, deeply embedded into my bones.  Perhaps I’ve been missing it all these years, needing someone else to take up that much time in my life.  Someone who is gentle, kind, and tender.  Someone who has never and would never raise a hand against me.

I just had to share all of this.  If you’ve made it to the end, thank you for reading.  And please, if you know anyone suffering from any type of abuse, get them help.  It took me a while to climb out on my own.  I’m one of the lucky ones.

I Hope The Leaves Start Changing Soon

This past weekend Alana and I went to Dave & Buster’s to celebrate the birthday of a mutual friend.  We all got a table and ordered food, but mostly we drank.  They had these jello shots that were in huge syringes that were only $5.00 and that tasted amazingly.

jello shots

After that, some of us tipsy, some of us drunk, we went to the all the gaming rooms and played game after game. I can’t remember if Alana and I have ever been to an arcade together before, but it was really enjoyable.  We played round after round of skee ball, side by side.  We shot baskets into hoops, shot zombie after zombie, and we kept filling up our cup of tickets like two giggling kids at Chuck E. Cheese.

At the end we took our cup of tickets and bought nothing but candy with it, munching on it all on the drive home.

I was exhausted most of the day on Sunday, but it was worth the jello shots and the laughter.

Today my friend James came over and we played video games.  And then we watched World War Z, followed by a bunch of documentaries from the series Ted Talks.  We pigged out on McDonald’s and rubbed each others shoulders.  He was over for about seven hours total.

It’s that weird Autumn time, when the feeling of Summer hasn’t quite left, but the coolness of the Fall is just starting to set in.  Everyone is falling back in to their school, career, and work routines.

My friends are stressed with new moves, new parenting obstacles, or financial struggles.  Alana and I are starting to really grind down and cut down on our expenses to prepare for a year of saving up for our wedding.

It’s just that kind of weird in between period.  People are sick, people aren’t feeling well.  I’m noticing a lot of lower spirits and tired eyes.  This is an exciting time of the year, but it’s also a stressful one.  As the weather falls colds here, we tend to cover up more, stay inside more.  Perhaps, withdraw into ourselves more.

I’ve been feeling much better since I wrote my last entry “Little Miss Sweet Tooth”.  Aside from the McDonald’s today, I’ve stayed away from soda, and sugar, and sweets.  I’ve started drinking more clear liquids again and I’ve started heading to yoga classes on a bi-weekly basis.  I feel good, but I also feel in transition.  That weird in-betweenness, like we’re all in between time.

Waiting for Fall to really start.  Waiting for the holiday season to really start.

Waiting for our three year anniversary, the engagement pictures, for the leaves to start changing…

…waiting for my next burst of real energy and for the Autumn doldrums to pass.  I hope the leaves start changing soon.

Namaste.