Category Archives: My lesbian love life

birthday_cake

My 27th Birthday (And How Family-Planning and My Future Wedding Bands Came Into It)

My 27th birthday was the perfect day, even though it was a gray, overcast Tuesday.

Alana and I both took the day off of work to celebrate my birthday (because we’re young.  Because we can.  Because, why not?) and that morning she drove us both to Spa World.  We’ve already been there twice, but I could never get tired of that place.  We’ve only ever been there on a Saturday, before now, and the huge lack of a crowd was completely perfect.  I soaked and sat in different kinds of hot tubs, and the wade pool, for hours.  I kept floating around to different jets with different levels of pressure and stationing my feet, hands, or shoulders in front of them to provide some release.  Alana treated me to a thirty minute shiatsu massage, and it was fantastic! The massage therapist walked on my back for about ten minutes of it and I was in complete heaven.

Alana and I wandered out to the Poultice Rooms and we tried a few that we’ve never tried before, such as the red clay ball room, which was utterly fantastic.  I took a headstand in the middle of the room.   We found a quiet, cozy corner, and we sat and talked.  We talked for a while about things we’ve never talked about.

We’ve talked about wanting a family in the future for a while now.  We’ve talked about having kids after getting married next Fall.  But the type of talk we have about it these days is different.  I don’t know if it’s because the wedding is less than a year away now, or if it’s just starting to be that time.  Probably a little bit of both.  But now we’re starting to talk past simply wanting a family.  We are discussing parenting methods that we’re interested in.  We’re voicing worries, and fears, that neither one of us have voiced before now.  We talked about what we both want out of life, and we talked about how we don’t want starting a family to limit that.  (As well as ways to stop any limiting from happening.)

We’re even discussing when we think we’d like to start trying.  And maybe we’ve discussed this before, but it’s just a bit different now.  A bit more serious.  It’s just blowing my mind that we’re talking about these things, even though I know it’s perfectly normal.  Expected, even.  We’ve just been together that long.  It’s just getting to that time.  We aren’t 23 and 25 anymore.

We had some time to kill between leaving Spa World and heading to dinner, so we stopped at Jared’s to browse wedding bands.  And even though I hadn’t yet fallen in love with any wedding band that I’ve shopped for anywhere, I finally found what I think I’m looking for.

The band I fell in love with is both rose gold and white gold, which was something I was having a huge dilemma about.  I’ve been trying to decide if I wanted to go with a rose or a white gold band, but this one is both! It’s gorgeous, and it’s different, and it’s definitely not something every woman has on her finger.  We are going to buy two to wrap my engagement ring in.  The really exciting part is that both rings are extremely under the budget that we had set aside for my bands!

For dinner Alana took me to The Melting Pot which is my very favorite restaurant.  The fondue is just amazing.  It’s very expensive, and you’ve gotta cook your meal yourself essentially, but it’s so worth it.

Opals

Alana gave me this beautiful necklace as a birthday present.  The stones are lab created opal and pink sapphire, and I just adore it.  Between this, Spa World, and The Melting Pot, my birthday was the best one I’ve celebrated with her yet! Finding my wedding bands and the unexpected baby talk was just the icing on top of the cake.

Another year to be alive.  Another year to have adventures.  Twenty-seven is the year that I’m going to become a wife!  It’s going to be full of (probably stressful) wedding planning and learning more about myself than I have yet.  I’m excited for it.  I’m ready for it!

Until next time, my loves.

three-years

Less Than One Year ‘Till Our Big, Fat, Lesbian Wedding

It feels like so many things have happened since my last post on September 25th, and all of those things are positive.  This Fall has honestly been just a series of good moments, followed by awesome moments, followed by even more amazing moments.  The good just keeps piling up, the laughter and excitement just keeps rolling in, and I’m honestly living in that glow that happens when everything in your life is well balanced and you just feel good.

Alana and I reached that three year milestone in our relationship last week, which means that our wedding is less than a year away!  After already being engaged for a year and a half, after almost a year of her not having a permanent job and us being unsure of any short or long term future for us, we are finally under that year mark.

Last weekend, to celebrate, we took a yoga class together, went shopping for our engagement shoot, and then went to dinner and a movie.  We saw The Maze Runner, and we both really liked it.  My birthday is on Tuesday, and this weekend my Mom is having the entire family over to celebrate, and she’s making homemade Indian food! On my actual birthday next Tuesday Alana and I both took the day off.  She’s going to take me to Spa World all day before taking me to dinner at my favorite restaurant (which is not cheap).

Our engagement shoot is going to be happening sometime within the next three weeks.  We’re not exactly sure when because our photographer is judging the changing color of the leaves week by week so that we shoot on a weekend when the leaves are perfect.  My yoga practice is on fire right now.  The 2-3 classes I’ve been making weekly have been so easy to get to.  I jump out of bed when my alarm goes off at 7:00 AM, ready to face traffic and get on my mat.  My body is still changing.  My shoulders sit on top of my hips more, my sacrum is more tucked, my pelvis less tilted.  My arms and back are getting stronger.  My headstands are unlike they ever have been, strong, effortless, and I hold them for longer than three minute periods.  (Longer than I’ve ever held them before).

Muscle

On the random times that I do try for a forearm stand or even a handstand, I’m there.  I always reach the pose, even if I only hold them for a moment or two.  I’m ready to get serious about my inversion practice this Fall and really try to master forearm stand and handstand before our wedding next Fall.  The strength required of my body for these poses is almost there, or possibly, there.  Every season I grow more acquainted with the feeling of finding my center of gravity while my body is upside down.  I reach it more quickly then ever now, my head reaching the floor only a few seconds before my toes leave it.

My schedule at work is busy, full, and full of personality.  The clinic constantly gets complaints about how full my schedule is and how hard it is to book an appointment with me.  I’ve been getting more sleep, drinking one soda or less a week, and Alana and I have been getting along shiningly.

Like I said, things are great.  I’m looking forward to all my birthday celebrations and our upcoming engagement shoot.

I hope this Fall is treating you all well as well as it’s treating me.  Peace, love, and light.  =)

Fall Hat

A Tale of Two Very Different Three Year Anniversaries

As I woke up and started my day today I felt different.  Very different, even though nothing had changed.  I felt a sense of calmness and peace, an almost serene type of peace, though I had nothing to attribute this new sense of peacefulness with.

I took it in and enjoyed it because it felt so great, but all morning I racked my brain trying to figure out where it came from.  (I’m one of those people who look for meaning and symbolism everywhere, and who thinks that everything is connected.)

About an hour after I got to work it finally hit me.  A week from today will be the three year anniversary of Alana and I officially being a couple.  But, that’s not the significance here.  The significance is that it was exactly at this point in my last serious relationship with a woman, exactly a week before our three year anniversary, when I found the courage to end it and leave her.  It was at this exact point in that past relationship when I decided to leave my abuser.

Alana wasn’t the first woman I’ve had a very serious relationship with.  There was another, one in my past.  I met her when I was nineteen years old, and we fell hard fast.  We moved in together on our one year anniversary.  I ended up living with her for two years.

Soon after moving in things went quickly downhill.  She became first verbally, and then physically abusive.  I didn’t see it at the time (or maybe I didn’t want to) but there was so much about that relationship that was unhealthy.  She isolated me from my family and friends.  She controlled what I wore.  She wouldn’t let me go to massage school, which was the key thing I wanted to do in my early twenties.

The morning that I left her was any other typical morning.  I hadn’t woken up knowing that I was going to end it that day.  It just kind of happened, and I’m so happy that it did.  It had taken me some time, but I had finally found the courage to leave.

I’m happy that I left.  I’m happy that I’m happy now.  I’m even happier that in a week I’ll be hitting that three year anniversary mark with someone who loves me, and respects both my body and I in a healthy manner.  That past relationship taught me so much about myself, life, relationships, and human behavior.  Alana and I work hard to try and keep our relationship healthy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Because of what I’ve been through I have a much better idea of healthy and unhealthy relationship habits.  Because of what I’ve been through I’m able to be a better woman for Alana.

I still feel that same sense of serenity and tranquility that I’ve felt all day.  If anything I feel it even more deeply after writing this blog entry.  I have a feeling that it’s a feeling that’s here to stay, deeply embedded into my bones.  Perhaps I’ve been missing it all these years, needing someone else to take up that much time in my life.  Someone who is gentle, kind, and tender.  Someone who has never and would never raise a hand against me.

I just had to share all of this.  If you’ve made it to the end, thank you for reading.  And please, if you know anyone suffering from any type of abuse, get them help.  It took me a while to climb out on my own.  I’m one of the lucky ones.

Tickets

I Hope The Leaves Start Changing Soon

This past weekend Alana and I went to Dave & Buster’s to celebrate the birthday of a mutual friend.  We all got a table and ordered food, but mostly we drank.  They had these jello shots that were in huge syringes that were only $5.00 and that tasted amazingly.

jello shots

After that, some of us tipsy, some of us drunk, we went to the all the gaming rooms and played game after game. I can’t remember if Alana and I have ever been to an arcade together before, but it was really enjoyable.  We played round after round of skee ball, side by side.  We shot baskets into hoops, shot zombie after zombie, and we kept filling up our cup of tickets like two giggling kids at Chuck E. Cheese.

At the end we took our cup of tickets and bought nothing but candy with it, munching on it all on the drive home.

I was exhausted most of the day on Sunday, but it was worth the jello shots and the laughter.

Today my friend James came over and we played video games.  And then we watched World War Z, followed by a bunch of documentaries from the series Ted Talks.  We pigged out on McDonald’s and rubbed each others shoulders.  He was over for about seven hours total.

It’s that weird Autumn time, when the feeling of Summer hasn’t quite left, but the coolness of the Fall is just starting to set in.  Everyone is falling back in to their school, career, and work routines.

My friends are stressed with new moves, new parenting obstacles, or financial struggles.  Alana and I are starting to really grind down and cut down on our expenses to prepare for a year of saving up for our wedding.

It’s just that kind of weird in between period.  People are sick, people aren’t feeling well.  I’m noticing a lot of lower spirits and tired eyes.  This is an exciting time of the year, but it’s also a stressful one.  As the weather falls colds here, we tend to cover up more, stay inside more.  Perhaps, withdraw into ourselves more.

I’ve been feeling much better since I wrote my last entry “Little Miss Sweet Tooth”.  Aside from the McDonald’s today, I’ve stayed away from soda, and sugar, and sweets.  I’ve started drinking more clear liquids again and I’ve started heading to yoga classes on a bi-weekly basis.  I feel good, but I also feel in transition.  That weird in-betweenness, like we’re all in between time.

Waiting for Fall to really start.  Waiting for the holiday season to really start.

Waiting for our three year anniversary, the engagement pictures, for the leaves to start changing…

…waiting for my next burst of real energy and for the Autumn doldrums to pass.  I hope the leaves start changing soon.

Namaste.

Fall

With Cooler Weather Comes a Stricter Wedding Budget

I walked out into our living room this morning and was startled to find how brisk the room felt. I knew instantly that the temperature had dropped outside overnight, and I was right!  It was in the low 50s.  The high temperatures this entire week will only reach the mid-seventies.  It’s coming.  Fall is coming.

And with this Fall comes our ever impending wedding which will be happening early next Fall.  Time is dwindling.  That year mark until our wedding will be upon us very soon.

Alana and I sat down this past week and really planned out our wedding budget.  We sat down together and really looked at how much it was all going to take.  I honestly think I’ve been putting off doing this for weeks.  I’ve been nervous that crunching the numbers would only provide us with a whirlwind of stress and anxiety that would only deepen as the weather grew colder. Instead, I’ve felt very calm since planning our budget.  I’ve felt good, even.  Confident.

A year ago I was so heartbroken and bitter about having to pay for my own wedding.  I felt gypped that I couldn’t be handed a beautiful, pristine wedding like so many of my friends got without paying for it themselves. (spoiled brat much!?).

So to feel powerful, and responsible, and good about being able to do this for myself, and for my fiancé, feels amazing.  Not only do I no longer feel bitter about paying for it, I feel grateful.  Grateful that I’m able to.  Grateful that I have a career that I love that allows me to pay for my own wedding.

Alana and I were going to go to hot yoga Saturday morning, but I slept in until 11:00 AM, and we decided to skip it.  We also meandered out for some amazing Indian food for lunch.  We also bought a bottle of white wine and opened it, even though we already finished a bottle of red wine between the two of us earlier this week.  We also started season 1 of Battlestar Galactica on Netflix and fell into that for several, several hours.

Indian Food

I honestly think that lazy weekends and lazy vacations are my favorite thing in life.

I’m happy that Alana and I are able to pay for our own wedding.  I’m grateful we’re getting the wedding that we both want. I’m thankful that knowing just how much were investing into it hasn’t caused a whirlwind of anxiety that’s going to last over the next year.  I’m happy that I’ll be marrying a woman who loves Indian food as much as I do.

I’m happy the weather is getting colder.  For with it’s coldness comes many new journeys to embark on.

Namaste.

Kiddos

Wanderlust

  Alana and I spent this entire weekend with both sides of our family, and it was fantastic.  We celebrated the first birthday of her second cousin, her niece’s third birthday, and my oldest brothers last year in his thirties!  We only got a precious few hours to ourself Saturday morning, which we spent watching Frozen for the very first time (we loved it!)  

  I normally feel very chaotic when a whole weekend goes by and I barely get anytime to just relax at home.  I feel gypped, and kind of like the weekend didn’t happen.  I was thinking that I would definitely feel that way about this weekend with all the running around we were doing to all of these birthday celebrations, but I didn’t at all.  I felt fantastic.  I had a great weekend, we both did.  Because we were with our families.  

  When Alana and I talk about our future it’s always with a plan to eventually move off the East Coast.  We talk about picking up and moving to California, Colorado, Hawaii, or the Portland/Washington area.  I’ve only lived in this one state my entire life,  over the span of two counties that lie side by side with one another.  This is all I’ve ever known.  Sure, I’ve traveled.  I’ve been to Mexico and The Dominican Republic, and Canada.  

  But this is the only home I’ve known.  I’ve only lived on the East Coast of the United States, and there’s a very big world out there.

  Alana has always wanted to live in California, or somewhere on the West Coast herself, and we talk about raising a family there in the future.  Or at least picking up and moving for a few years, just to try it out.  Just to experience what life could be like outside of this area.

  After spending this wonderful weekend with our family Alana confessed to me “I wouldn’t be surprised if we never moved out of the area.”  I asked her what she meant, although I didn’t have to.  I knew what she meant.  Who would want to leave this? The plethora of close family and close friends around that we both have independently of each other, and trifold as a couple? There’s so much love, warmth, and help surrounding us hear.  I feel like all of these ties will only deepen when we actually get married next Fall.

  Are we ever going to be able to leave? Is it smart to? Can I really leave most of my family and friends behind to go have an adventure elsewhere?

 A big part of me thinks that I can’t, but a bigger part of me thinks that I can.  I think I do want to leave someday, even if its only for a few years, more than I want to stay without ever leaving.  I’m too curious.  The world is too big, and I want to experience it.

  Here’s to hoping that we come to a decision together, when the time is right.  Here’s to hoping that our hearts end up desiring the same thing.

  Cause at times there are clouds in my head, and stars behind my eyes, and I can feel myself being the type of woman who totally goes off for some time and has an adventure.

hot yoga babes

Labor Day 2014: Today Is a Fairytale, Tomorrow Starts a Journey

    Today is Labor Day.  It’s Monday, September 1st.  Alana and I slept in until 11:00 AM, and that never happens anymore.  I’m almost never able to sleep in that late anymore, whether with her or without her.  Her working two jobs prevents us from sleeping in together, let alone that late.  My busy life filled with early hot yoga classes before work, early massages on my days off, or errands to run before work prevents me from sleeping that late on my own.  In the beginning of our relationship I slept until noon most days of the week.  On the weekends we constantly slept in until 11:00 AM or noon together.

  Those days are gone.  We are older now, with adult lives, and adult responsibilities.  Sleeping in is a gift, sleeping in together is paradise. And sleeping in together and having a whole day off together? Is a fairytale.  Today is a fairytale.

  Which seems so fitting, as we’ve spent all weekend and today falling into season 3 of Once Upon a Time now that it’s available on Netflix…

  Season 3 of this show is very different from seasons 1 and 2, and I’m very much enjoying it.  And one thing I really find myself enjoying, and identifying with, is the need and longing for family that all these main characters seem to possess.

  Alana and I have been together three years this Fall.  Next fall we’ll be getting married on our four year anniversary, and the fact that this Fall is swiftly approaching has my heart pounding in my chest.  This is my last year as a single, unmarried woman. My life is going to be different after this year.  Drastically different.  I’ve never been married before, and neither has she.  This is a brand new journey for us.  I’m anxious, thrilled, excited, nervous, and about a million other emotions I feel I could list for days.

  This need and longing for family that I’ve been feeling lately isn’t being felt alone.  Alana feels it too.  I’ve had a cat for 7 years now, and we both love and parent her together.  But, we feel the need for more.  Our love has created a bigger space than a cat can fill, and we talk about rescuing a puppy after we marry next Fall.  We talk, sometimes, about putting a baby in my belly sooner than we use to speak of.  We plan on getting a townhouse a couple of months before the wedding to make space for these things that we desire and long to have together.

  This is it.  Fall is coming.  This is the last year of my life before things get really serious.  Before there’s a townhouse.  Before there’s a marriage license, and eventually, a marriage.  Before there’s a wife, before there’s a puppy.  Before we’re actually really going through the process of looking at getting me with child.

  I’m anxious.  I’m young.  I’m old.  I’m ready.

  This Labor Day is the start of me being thrown into an immense journey, and I’m determined to enjoy it as often as I can.

  Namaste.  

  [pictures from this past week]