Category Archives: Yoga

Tales of Fertility Testing, Engagement Photos, & Wide-Legged Forward Folds

  It happened.  The day has finally come. This morning I went to the laboratory before work and I had day three fertility testing done.

The fact that Alana and I are at this point seems somewhat surreal and crazy to me. We’ve been talking about starting a family for what seems like a very long time now. We’ve discussed the steps we would have to take in order to make that happen for well over a year. So the fact that step #1 was taken today has me in a mild state of disbelief! There’s definite excitement bubbling in the bottom of my belly, but it also still doesn’t seem quite real.

I won’t lie. I definitely have anxiety about the test results. Ever since I was young girl I’ve been harbouring a fear that I’m completely barren and that I won’t be able to conceive children. Even though I’m nervous for the results I’m happy that we are finally going to have them. I want to stop fearing that I won’t be able to give my future wife the kids we talk about having some day. I want that awful feeling of fear gone from my belly as well as my mind.

I’m just hoping that when we do hear back the results will be positive.

Alana and I have been talking with an engagement photographer this week. I’m super excited for us to have engagement photos taken sometime this Fall!

The lady doing the shoot for us is extremely professional. We haven’t scheduled a date to shoot the photos yet because she wants to see when the leaves are changing color this year. She wants the leaves to be perfect. She’s asked us to think about whether we’d like to incorporate any themes or props into our shoot, especially anything that’s important to us as a couple.

We decided we wanted one shot of our engagement rings, one of us drinking coffee out of mugs, and one of us with all seven Harry Potter books in it! That last one is totally geeky, but its undeniably us. After being engaged for fifteen months already I’m excited that engagement photos are finally happening for us!! =)

I’ve been wanting to change the banner picture on this blog lately so I asked Alana to take a picture of me in upavistha konasana (wide-legged forward fold). When she handed my phone back to me with the picture on it my jaw nearly hit the floor.

Wide Legged Forward Fold2

I took ballet for thirteen years and I’ve never been this close to being in a split before. I’ve never been anywhere near this close! The three yoga studios that I tend to practice yoga in either have no mirrors or just a few mirrors. In short…I don’t practice yoga in front of any mirrors! I don’t know what my poses look like, I only know what they feel like. I know I’ve gotten more flexible in the eleven months that I’ve been practicing yoga, but I didn’t know my wide-legged forward folds look like this!

Just yet another thing that goes to show how amazing yoga is and how much it changes your body, not just your mind, your soul, and your entire being.

I haven’t taken a yoga class in a week, which is unusual for me. I hardly ever go this long between practices anymore.

I’m going to go to hot yoga these next two mornings before work, and I know it’ll be great. 99% of the yoga classes I go to are great.

I’m going to throw myself into my practice these next few days and try to let go of fretting about the fertility test results.

There’s nothing I can do, and it’s all out of my hands. But I can push my hands into my yoga mat and breathe through it all.

Namaste.  I hope you’re all having a lovely week.

I Wish There Was A Written Guide To Same-Sex Parent Family Planning

I went to hot yoga on Tuesday morning before work, which is nothing new.  I always go to hot yoga on Tuesday mornings before work.  There are times I miss my Friday practices, and times I miss my Saturday practices….but never my Tuesday ones.  It’s like something in the universe calls my body to breathe, bow, and rise to greet the sun every Tuesday morning.

Anyway, class this Tuesday was more amazing than it usually was.  After the yin/yang class I took on Sunday the Baptiste power flow felt so dramatic and dynamic.  But in the best way possible.  My hamstrings feel more stretched out than they have in months, and I, just in general, feel more loose than I have in months.

I’m going to take N’s yoga class on Saturday morning.  She considers her yoga classes to be “restorative” yoga, so it’s quite different from both Baptiste power flow and yin yoga.  I have a feeling that I’m to feel blissed out after taking a third type of yoga for the week.

I’m starting to wonder if my “yoga lesson” for the Summer is to consistently take different types of yoga classes.  I’m still less than one full year into my yoga journey, so I’m still finding out what types suit me and what mixture of yoga classes allows me to feel my best.  It’s definitely one of the deepest journeys I’ve ever taken inside myself.  =)

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with an OBGYN to discuss, well, getting a fertility test/getting a referral to the fertility center near us that offers LGBT family planning.  I’ve got so many little nerves and apprehensions making my body tingle right now just thinking about the appointment!

What if the doctor is against gay marriage? What if she is absolutely disgusted that I’m looking to find “the doctor for us” as we start the journey of starting our own family?

I can’t possibly be the first lesbian lady to have these fears.  I’m not even quite sure what to say to her when I first see her.

But I guess all I can do is show up tomorrow and just take it from there, yeah?

I wish there was a written guide to same-sex parent family planning.

Though I suppose the journey is going to be a lot more interesting without one, yeah?

Namaste.

Dhanurasana

Art Museum-Hopping And Yin/Yang Yoga Dates

Today Alana and I took a yin/yang yoga class at a yoga studio close to our home.  This was the first yoga class I’ve taken in over ten weeks that wasn’t hot yoga.  I normally take two hot yoga classes during the week and one restorative yoga class on Saturday mornings.  Because I’ve had to “adjust” five of those restorative yoga classes on Saturday mornings to complete my hours for yoga teacher training I haven’t actually taken the class since mid May.

I don’t think I realized just how long I was going without non hot yoga.  I was aware of it, of course, but I didn’t realize it was nearing the two month mark .  It honestly didn’t matter.  I was getting all that I needed to get out of yoga.  My practice was changing, I was experiencing new things, and I was challenging myself in new ways.  My body has gotten more flexible and stronger this summer.   I’m aware of the changes in so many ways, both inside and outside of my yoga practice.

The yin portion of class today was absolutely amazing.  It was such a change from the fast-paced power yoga I normally do in ninety-five degree heat.  I enjoyed holding poses for five minutes at a time, letting my body round and letting gravity push me to the Earth as I breathed and let go.  My friend Natalie met Alana and I for class and the energy around my practice was calm and comforting as the two of them practiced around my mat.

Alana and I went to D.C. with a few of her friends yesterday and we museum-hopped through different art and sculpture museums. It was nice to be out and about and I thoroughly enjoyed the art.

All in all it was an amazing weekend.  I’m not quite sure what the point of this post was.  Maybe it was just to say that yoga constantly amazes me, whether I’m doing it in heat or out of it.  Maybe it was to express wonder and gratitude that I’ve found an amazing woman who loves to trample around to art museums and take yoga classes with me.

Either way I hope you all have an amazing week.  Namaste.

Dhanurasana

What Am I So Afraid Of?

Last Saturday I adjusted my fifth yoga class for yoga teacher training.  We only had to adjust five classes before being given our teaching certificate, so as long as the director of the program approves the yoga class hours that I’ve sent her….I’m all done!! I’ll be mailed my certificate soon, and then I’ll be a certified yoga instructor!

There are currently two sets of married couples in my life who are asking me to start going to their houses to give them private yoga lessons.  The wives of one of the couples wants me to start private yoga lessons with them this Fall, and she also wants to see me for Reiki healing.

In the last month I’ve been offered several jobs teaching yoga through a second person contact! My childhood dance teacher called and told me she had spoken about me to a program director at her church, and the program director wanted to know if I would like to come teach child yoga there! A coworker ran up to me at work just Monday of this week and told me she had a friend in D.C. looking to hire a yoga instructor for a project next month, and her friend wanted to know if I was interested.

So many opportunities to teach yoga are at my fingertips.  So the question I ask myself is….why do I feel myself hesitant to take them?

The same could be said for my massage trade.  Every month I get text messages from someone in my life, be it my Mom, or my brother, or my best friend, or someone random, saying that a friend/coworker/uncle is looking for a massage therapist to come to their home.

I never take any initiative with all of these invitations that I constantly receive.  All year I told myself that as soon as I finish yoga teacher training I would buy a new massage/reiki table along with lotion, aromatherapy oils, yoga blocks and straps, etc, to get a side business going.  Have I been done with school for several months? Yes.  Have I done any of that? No.

So many people as me about Reiki.  So many people ask about yoga.  So many people ask if I offer massage outside of my job.

Why don’t I? I have so many gifts in my hands, and I keep them to myself.  I can feel the knowledge base and experience of these gifts strengthen in me over time.  My body gets stronger and stronger every month that I continue to practice hot yoga.  The concepts of deep breathing, tissue manipulation, inversions, and meditation take on a new meaning for me as time goes on.

Why don’t I share these gifts with the world? Why do I hold myself back?

I’m going to dedicate to rest of this Summer to finding out why I just can’t take this step.  Every time I practice yoga I will set my intention to find this truth.  I’m tired of holding myself back.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough.

It’s time to really throw myself out into the world, and see if I can make it.

Namaste.

Bikini Selfies And Facebook Comments

My fiancé and I spent this past weekend at the beach, and while I was in my bikini I….well, I took a selfie.

I started yoga (and yoga teacher training) this past Fall and my body has changed a lot in the last eight months.  More so, it’s changed even more in the last twelve months, for I had just finished losing some extra weight before I jumped into yoga and teacher training.

The way my body has looked these past few months has pleased me.  It feels good to look in the mirror and like what I see. I find my life to be very different just from simply feeling comfortable in my own skin.  There’s a certain freedom to feeling like I can put on any dress, any shirt, or any pair of pants, and not look or feel “fat”.

Anyhow, I posted this selfie on both Twitter and Instagram….and then felt too embarrassed to post it on Facebook.

My embarrassment and not wanting to feel “slutty” amused me.  I have many, many female friends who post pictures of themselves in bikinis on Facebook, and I never have any negative reactions such as “wow, that’s slutty!” or “I can’t believe she did that.”

I have no idea why I felt so embarrassed and nervous about posting it, especially since I’ve been feeling a lot more physically confident lately.

My fiancé and my friend Natalie finally gave me the courage to post it….and so I did! I got a lot of responses, but the most significant response for me was from one of my two yoga teacher trainers.

She told me to make sure that I advertise for any yoga classes that I teach with a picture of myself in a bathing suit doing a yoga pose, and that I look great.

I was immediately surprised and slightly taken aback by her comment.  Did she really tell me to advertise myself in a bathing suit, in a yoga pose, to inspire people to take my yoga classes??

She did, and I’m glad that she did.  I never would have thought to do that on my own.  I never would have thought that that would be “okay.”  A big part of me was honestly hoping that she wouldn’t see the bikini selfie because I thought she’d disprove of me attaching my yoga practice with how my body looks. (I captioned the picture referencing my new “yoga body”.)

I’m really glad that I have her in my life and on Facebook.  I still know so little about yoga and the yoga world, and if I hope to start teaching someday I’m going to need her help.

Tomorrow my friend Rita is joining me for a Baptiste power flow class before work, and then on Sunday we’re getting together for a Bikram class after work!

Rita had never done yoga before joining me for her first class this past Winter.  I took her to a yin/yang yoga class, and since then she’s gone to a few classes on her own.

It feels really good to know that I’ve been able to get friends (I’ve gotten a few more beside her) into yoga.  The fact that she’s meeting me twice in one weekend for a class is pretty exciting!

I was really scared that my yoga practice would kind of…vanish, I guess, after teacher training ended.  Since I jumped into both yoga and teacher training at the same time, I think I assumed that stopping one meant the dwindling of the other.

Teacher training has been over for a few weeks now, and so far I’m finding that to be very untrue.  Especially when I have people like my one teacher and Rita in my life to keep me going.

I’m looking forward to both hot classes this weekend, as well as “adjusting” my teacher’s class Saturday morning.  Only four more classes to “adjust” before I get my teaching certificate! I should have it by the end of this month.

That’s a very exciting fact.  Namaste!

Beach

Headstands and Beach Weekends

This weekend we packed up our things and headed to the beach. It was a pretty amazing weekend from start to finish.

Beach 2We found a cute little Italian place to have dinner.  We found an awesome coffee shop with a drive thru that made the best frozen coffee.  We lay out on the beach for hours together, talking together, and reading together.

I honestly don’t think I could marry someone who I couldn’t lay side by side on the beach with for hours and hours upon end.

I got as close as I dared to the ocean and took a couple of headstands.  This was a new beginning for me, in a way.  Since beginning yoga eight months ago I’ve only taken headstands in a few yoga studios and in my own living room at home.  I’ve never taken a headstand anywhere in nature, or anywhere that wasn’t on solid ground. Beach Headstand

The sand proved to be ground enough.  I actually found it easy to take a headstand on the sand.  They were the most peaceful headstands I’ve ever taken.  I faced the ocean while I took them, and just staring at the ocean for moments at a time while being upside down was a beautiful feeling.  I almost always get a rush when I take a headstand.  But no headstands I’ve taken thus far come anywhere close to being as amazing as the few I took on the beach this weekend.

I’m currently gearing up to work five days in a row this week.  Our beach weekend is over, and that’s a sad fact.

This upcoming Saturday we’ll be touring our first wedding venue of the year, so I’ll have more to write about soon.  Never a dull moment in the lesbian chronicles!

Galaxy leggings

Friday Morning Hot Yoga Flow Is How I Got My Groove Back

This morning, as I headed to hot yoga for the first time in ten days I felt the usual small bout of anxiety that I tend to feel when it’s been more than seven days since my last hot yoga class.

This small bout of anxiety is a tiny voice inside my head that says things like “It’s going to be so hot, you’re going to feel weak and tired, you’ll be in child’s pose half the class, you’ll instantly regret skipping practice earlier this week…”

I tried to quiet that voice as much as I could, but it was still there a little when class started.

…And then class started and that voice immediately died.

It always surprises me how strong I feel after a week (or longer) break from hot yoga.  That little voice inside my head tells me that I’m going to lose flexibility, strength, and ability while being away.

That’s never the case, and this morning wasn’t any different.  It amazes me to find myself taking poses that I couldn’t take only this past Fall.  When I find myself wrapping my arms around my body for a full bind in several different poses I think back to this past Winter, and how I thought it might take years to be able to bind.

Our teacher had us “fly” to half moon a few different times during practice today, and I felt strong, graceful, and elegant every time I “flew” into the pose.  There’s something about that pose, and it’s bind into sugarcane that makes me feel like I’m flying.  I get the same feeling in warrior three pose.

I felt great after class, and great for the rest of the day as well.  I got through my massages this afternoon daydreaming about this upcoming weekend and that feeling of flying into half moon.

I’m so glad it’s Friday.  I’m so glad it’s the weekend.

I’m so glad I went to hot yoga this morning.

Namaste.